we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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