found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
