if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
