I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
