you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
