i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
