I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
