Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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