Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
