So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
