And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
