sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
