if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
