Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
