Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
