Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
