so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
