they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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