Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
