Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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