Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
