he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
