In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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