Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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