OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
