You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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