Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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