Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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