My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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