I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
