apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I didn't notice because vodka
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
