he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
