Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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