grandma shit on top of the toilet
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
