my sisters under your porch take her home
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
