i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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