I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just gift wrapped bread.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
