i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
