things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
thus making me awesome and them whores
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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