Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
