Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
