Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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