the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
