A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
