I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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