Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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