new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
