One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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