I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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