Say something about gay babies.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
