maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
